i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
