If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
