I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
