your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
