the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
