I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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