I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
