Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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