Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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