Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
