Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize