I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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