So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
thus making me awesome and them whores
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
