I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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