Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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