Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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