i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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