my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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