The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
