And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
