P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
