Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
