I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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