Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
