I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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