I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
