3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
