this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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