are you still at the devil's house?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
