I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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