You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
