he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
