Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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