She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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