You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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