I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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