Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
