I hate your face
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
