I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize