the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
