I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
