he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
