He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
