i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
