You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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