Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
