U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
