We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
