Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
