I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
