So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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