just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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