dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
