I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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