Only a mothe r could love this liver
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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