We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
