i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
