Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
