i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize