So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
