too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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