My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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