I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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