I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
