He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ladies don't puke and tell
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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