Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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