If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
