is your mom at the bar?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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