once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
