the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
