my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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