you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
