he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
