Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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