32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
