I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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