well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
