who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
