so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
