i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
