I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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