the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize