I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
