Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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