If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
