I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was born a porn star she said
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
