is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
