you would pick up someone in the library
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
