i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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