She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
