Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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