"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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