last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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