I just saw a hot homeless man
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
