you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
