He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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