Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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