She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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