I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
