So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
