didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
