I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
