I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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