She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
