Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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