I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
