Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My life is pants optional.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
