you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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