He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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