the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
