Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
