speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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