Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
